HERAY @ 2010-08-26T22: 39:00
distance Lone
still remember the day that the news had reached her ears. His first reaction was to laugh, to then make fun of who invented that joke was so stupid, and somewhat surreal.
Super Junior was a family, and he blindly trusted that none would leave the group by choice ever.
But the joke at first had seemed fun became a reality a few hours have forgotten it.
Hangeng went.
had stunned the confusion and anger had blinded him even before he absorbed the news. His eyes swept last time the word "lawsuit" written in cursive before turning off the computer.
Chinese had not answered his calls and the others had argued that they were as surprised as him. But he was not surprised, I was furious.
was not a state secret that the SM was pure hogwash. They ate every last ounce of energy of the singers without the slightest compunction in time to thank you because they lived on the top of the music. Was aware of the operation, and others too, but the music, money, love of the fans, the recognition and warm presence of his fellow hard attenuated work that awaited them every day. Ironically
Hangeng was one of the least likely to complain. When among all began to criticize and complain about his situation, he was right only sonreíay a couple of times. Had been few moments in the privacy of their room had confessed that he was tired of everything.
So why?
You really had been so sick that he had decided to leave all of a sudden? Or had been thinking for considerable time?
Why had not he told? Why he had not noticed anything?
Their bad times had always blamed that he missed his family did not know there were more hidden behind his sadness.
wanted to see. needed to see him and ask for explanations.
Upon arrival at the apartment without any closed door carefully, showing a blatant and somewhat lonely anger. He noted that the noises he heard on entering ceased for a moment and then continue.
He headed the fourth and the first thing that happened to see was the open suitcase on the bed of Chinese clothing and removing it from the closet. Their eyes connected and Heechul was quick to express frustration screams.
Hangeng listened in silence, as always. He had a calm that always managed to reassure him, but this time only infuriated him further. Pushed suitcase making it fall to the floor loudly, more Hankyung did not protest, but continued staring in complete silence.
Heechul could see his eyes shining in spite of its serene, but ignored him, he would not pay attention because the thought of the idea that he would not see each gave of his life to open a gaping hole in his chest, where the frustration agoníay advantage to slip.
And what we wanted then was to download all I had felt on hearing, make you feel guilty for having excluded from its decision even though he had no right to intrude.
Anything was better than the option of collapsing in front of him.
had left the room after having spent the result of harsh words tense moment. They spent the day apart, the phone rang again and again, was able to increase his temper. Member by member, Hankyung was telling the reason for his departure, claiming the same way what had told him.
Abuses SM, problems come from another country, that had not stopped to visit his family. There was more pressure endured. Heechul
considered his reason enough, if I would have been another congratulated on taking the step, but, being he could not help but feel really bad. I knew I was being selfish, but at that moment I could not care less.
The days passed and his pride would not waned since her anger and feeling of emptiness I felt they were only feeding. The day was to leave for China Hangeng was getting closer, but Heechul was still waiting.
kept waiting to back off.
Kibum had used his infinite patience to make him see reason, but Heechul had chosen to turn a deaf ear to the advice of his friend.
Every time discussing or he was angry for some reason, the first to go to fix things was Hankyung. He spoke calmly, smiled when he tries to infect you with his good humor, and listened as he decidíaa speak, leaving his proud and arrogant pose.
But this time was not the case.
Hangeng had ignored the same way he had done, but at least it proved to be feeling like shit. Had a pronounced dark circles somewhat bleak expression left no doubt about what the situation meant for him. Even
Kibum was uncomfortable with the new situation. The laughter and the constant joke that was brought to the Chinese Heechul had passed tense silence and sidelong glances.
Last night, Heechul had accepted it was true. Was leaving his life forever. And he could do nothing but complain.
had come to the apartment as a sort of trance and was supported under the door, watching in the dark, slightly mollified by the light of the room as his friend was sleeping.
had been approached and was lying beside her. Was about half an hour watching his face, with mild fascination. His hand had stroked the soft cheek of the child until he opened his eyes.
Both were observed until Heechul pulled him tightly to him in a desperate embrace. Hangeng clung to his body and could feel more like the tears that had held for days soaked his shirt.
- Promise you'll come back - I asked the dark after a pause, not separate from it.
- I promise - Chinese smiled.
- N'Diaye also that each call me Do not sing that piece of Don that I like - imitated her smile as she said Hankyung laughed while listening to it.
- I will - he had said. None needed say more because it was not necessary, between them was so obvious that the absence of words did not prevent knew what they were thinking.
The child went back to sleep, but Heechul spent a sleepless night, noting that his heart cringed every time the hand of the clock moved one hour.
Since that night, had been months.
The first week she had been painfully only to see his empty bed. The second was discovered crying at every detail to remind him him. And the third he had spent hating himself for acting so weak. I knew I would miss him and that his departure would affect him, but not that way.
looked forward each call, which told him how he was in China and how happy he was to return to see his family, though no doubt his favorite moment was when the conversation always stopped drop a "miss you" to him was like a breath of fresh air.
to calls started to become fewer regulars, and finally stop completely. And then he noticed that touched bottom.
itself is locked. No eating, no dormíay not smiling. Others were concerned, but ignored any help. I did not want to see anyone. The company of his cats was the only one that allowed for long.
is vented through his writings. Word after word expressing his sadness, and too often failed to avoid referring to him. Because he was the cause of everything.
Sometimes your hand looking for the phone, but ended up moving away from the device as if burned. What happened? Why act that way while still Hangeng with your life?
Why was the only one who felt like crap?
Is the child had forgotten him while he was looking forward to seeing?
sometimes entered the habitacióny Kibum slept in bed with Hankyung, with the sole purpose of not leaving him alone. He treasured these moments because the weight of loneliness decreased, but no "thank you" never left his lips.
At times he thought he hated, and when that happened he felt slightly better. Because hate is better than it strange that way unhealthy and obsessive. But the feeling of hatred never lasted, was a blip.
A day after he attended a show in which virtually nor had he spoken, Leeteuk went to his apartment. He played and played with his knuckles the door to a truly maddening pace, but Heechul ignored. Until they were fifteen minutes the noise had disappeared and eventually opened the door completely annoying.
leader had been greeted with a cheerful voice and a smile, as if there had been more than a minute behind the door. Claimed without any touch that still did not want to see anyone, but Leeteuk past him without making the slightest case.
only spoke for a long time the most, answering yourself when asking questions that Heechul did not answer. I knew that if you ended up speaking, the leader is to entangle the Engineering and end up talking more, expressing all the emotions that had suffered in silence. Finally
Leeteuk got its own, and exploded.
loudly told him everything, leaving a glimpse of the desperation he felt. Leeteuk listened in silence, their silences were different from those of Hankyung. When the Chinese broke his exit and talked, Heechul knew I would get words of comfort. With Leeteuk sabíaa simply not what to expect, because you answer with the truth bluntly and really do not know if I wanted to hear.
leader had sighed with regret to hear everything.
- The loss of a friend is really hard, but someone who you want is unbearable.
hoped to meet some reproach, even with a condescending look that only accentuates how pathetic he was, but that response. Posed an incredulous smile that long ago that was not on his face and asked,
- What are you talking about, Teukie?
- Is not it obvious?
- is ridiculous - he answered boldly.
- Think about it - he murmured as he clung to his side - The first assimilate what happens to you, before you will leave that situation in which long have you been, Heechul.
stared the dark.
- The others are very worried. Siwon not to ask about the status of your hyung - smiled and looked away Heechul - Hankyung All and all we wanted to miss him, so do not forget you can count on us. We are Super Junior, remember?
Leeteuk was gone, leaving him with a disturbing feeling rounds in his chest. Does he? In love with a boy? Just stupid.
But worse is that the more I thought, the more sense had it all.
Its melancholy, anxiety, have the sole desire in the day to return to hear his voice behind the phone, review your photos. Everything.
Hangeng She was in love and had not even noticed.
The visit of the other members not long in coming, certainly encouraged by their leader had all expected at the door, supported by a fun Kangin Leeteuk and strong.
At first his meeting had been charged with monosyllables and short phrases, until the usual jokes and laughter began to fill the room Heechul, accustomed solitude away almost every second happened.
day There was a fellow not to visit him. Shindong
used to stay many hours talking with him, and even the last Once it had set a sexy dance, according to him specially created for hyung, who had succeeded ribs ached so much laughing.
Kangin, Sugmin Kyuhun and had organized a party at his back, buying drink with the excuse that they should forget the penalties. All had shared with the excuse like, but always took care of that Sungmin and Ryeowook Kyuhun drink no more, but always ended up wiping Heechul a drink when he was not looking.
Yesung had tried to teach a little dance, but seeing that it was impossible to follow his pace without Heechul suddenly began to dance as if he were giving an epileptic fit, had left him and the two spent many hours chatting banalities lying on the floor. Heechul loved how rare it could become your partner.
Leeteuk and Kangin had pulled out, taking you from one place to another without giving respite to their tired feet. Seemed a first-time parents forcing their child to walk all the shops while he wondered how much was needed to return home or at least to sit.
Eunhyuk and Donghae used to go visit him together. While he taught the new Eunhyuk had improvised raps hours of boredom, Donghae ran into the kitchen and prepared a delicious dinner. The rapper had just always hugging him, wondering out loud and dramatic that it would not, making Donghae laughed. Those moments brought her memories to mind, but discarded as soon as they came.
The Siwon was quieter. In all his visits seemed torn between hug or greet politely, and that made Heechul would like even more. Because the child does not know how to act, because he had been hurt by the departure of Hankyung and had not seen their greatest support coming in the group put it down, taking over his stupid depression that their friendship.
was he who embraced a Diaye apologized, assuring that it had missed. Siwon's smile against his shoulder caused an intense relief.
During the course of a night when Kibum walked into his room to go to the bed of Chinese, Heechul grabbed his hand and made a hole in his own bed. There, in front of Ely with a smile, thanked her for always been at his side, saying nothing but making her presence felt and appreciated.
All had helped him stay afloat, but still had attacks of Melancholy still remembered him because he was injured and angry, and that was something that would not disappear until you see it. Or at least until they finally admitted feelings disappear.
The support group got out of the darkness that had caught him in its grip for months, but it was a phrase that got Eunhyuk turn the switch on your mind.
- Hyung, you're not good or singing or dancing, but we can not do without you - you had said, and had watched Heechul surprised.
Hangeng 's departure was a blow to Super Junior, but his attitude he was sinking further group. Had focused on her pain and had forgotten everything else.
Super Junior was his life, would not die.
was some time since the day he had made a promise to himself. He had learned to appreciate the group in a different way, was not indifferent or estranged from none. He had no special friend, because they were all special to him.
Super Junior went ahead with a project even more innovative than the last. It felt good, everything had started to improve until he saw it. On the small screen of your TV's face looking carefully Hangeng Korean journalist had asked about his old band.
His heart raced, but Hankyung just laid a shy smile and said he had not had much time to track progress of Super Junior, but he was happy that they were going well. Heechul
observed the screen before heading quickly towards her, clutching the botóny making the image of his old friend disappear.
Had not had time? "He was glad to do well?
- Fucking asshole! - Shouted, breaking the silence of the room while he threw some papers on the table next to a slap.
Volvíaa be angry and that anger grew more intense, recalling how badly it had gone through someone he did not have time to worry about how it was.
not stand the situation. I wanted to forget but could not, wanted to hate but could not, so I finally opted for the idea that he had spent thousands of times on his head, but never had the courage ; to carry out.
buy a ticket to China and back.
-
And so was over at her door.
He had struggled to find his home, not knowing almost nothing about Chinese. Had acted on impulse and had paid dearly for hours that had been found totally lost. He had even bought a wig and sunglasses, because enough people had recognized him and he could not understand that they said while chasing him.
played several times with no response. He raised his eyebrow and returned to play, this time with intent to break down the door if needed. She held her breath to hear an annoying voice that spoke in their native language. His voice.
Hangeng opened the door with a frown, but it disappeared at the time, leaving an expression on his face completely stunned.
- Hyung - muttered.
contradictory feelings ran through Heechul, but was proud to maintain a strong expression as he went and closed the door after he abruptly. Hangeng seemed even more surprised than before.
- What are you doing here?
- Are not you glad to see me?
- Of course I'm glad to see you - Heechul wanted to scream when he felt forced a smile - but it's so sudden, I knew you were coming.
- How would you know?, Months ago we did not talk - Your tone was scathing.
- Yes ... - Hankyung turned away from hers. Heechul knew him and knew that when that happened, he lied - I've been busy with the label, and all this non-stop demand of late. Practically not touch the phone - turned to look.
Heechul put his back against the door while got their hands in the pockets of his dark jacket. His eyes were clearly did not believe a word.
- Why we do not sit? I'll make something, the flight from Korea to China is not exactly short - is turned around, avoiding his gaze.
- I'd rather stay here - so he said curtly. Hangeng closed his eyes before going back to turn and look.
- Heechul ... - It sounded almost like a plea. Do not want to argue, not after so long without seeing.
He wore clear if he thought he had gone to China for a friendly visit. I wanted to cry, vent, ask for explanations and even hurt him wring from his lips that had been all this time just like him.
And while yelling at his own heart to stop beating that. Because they no longer saw him as a friend, now knew that he wanted. Was aware of every detail of your wonderful face and what made him feel just by looking.
reproaches would have preferred to replace its downloading everything he felt in his mouth, but knew it was not within their means, so settle for yelling.
- What? - He raised his chin and fell Hangeng - Do you really think I'm here for us to sit and tell me your life while eating sweet and sour pork? - Separate abruptly back door and jumped slightly Chinese - No, dammit! I give a shit how you are going here!, I just want to know why the hell have not fulfilled your promise.
Hangeng volvíaa noticed that his gaze and took a step forward, clenching his jaw as he raised his hand. Took strong chin of his partner and returned to lay his eyes on him. His eyes were watery.
- Do not you care? Super Junior "no longer means anything to you?
- Hyung, just - Hankyung pulled his hand while taking a step back.
- Why?! - The cry echoed through the walls and got Hangeng feel even worse. Heechul was pure nerve, he said what he felt hacíay without considering the consequences, not wanting to hear more because I knew I could not hold back the tears.
- I do not want to continue this conversation - made an effort to continue talking - You're in Korea and here I am, it is difficult to maintain a friendship in the distance. It just happened, it was not because I wanted to.
Heechul looked at him, shaking his head.
- just know that nonsense - answered arrogant tone and saw a spark of anger in the eyes of Chinese - not even with ten concerts and over fifty interviews, I would have enough time for you. Super Junior forgotten by the time you left, and so to me.
- You do not understand
- No, you do not understand. To you has been easy to forget everything we shared, I've spent months in a fucking hole thinking about it.
- Do you think that I have not gone wrong? - Le Hangeng suddenly snapped, and Heechul was aware that had seldom heard so - have come here is the best I've done.
- What are you talking about?
- Contract Clauses broken, denied rights, humiliation and inhuman treatment. Bore and said nothing much to be in Super Junior, including suicide crossed my mind - Heechul felt a lump in the throat to hear it - Super Junior Do not imply that I do not care, because you will s wrong.
had impressed him everything he had said. Without doubt, it was inhuman and then wanted to go capando one by one the of the SM until begged for mercy. Hangeng Why had not told anything?
Do deserved such treatment because it is solely from other sources?
placed his hands on either side of her face against the wall, somewhat cornered. Hangeng held his gaze firmly, and because of that he knew he had touched a weak point in Chinese.
- So why had no contact? - He looked at his mouth helplessly.
- Sorry, hyung. That's not your business - Hankyung had answered, refusing to tell the damn truth. Heechul
not know if it was to silence his words, the closeness of your body or because it simply dying to do since I had seen. He pulled forward and kissed him.
Trapped between his lips in a kiss wild, self-anger and need. One hand against the wall that had dropped to seize its neck mass he still managed to attract. Hankyung, after recovering from the surprise, had opened his mouth, prompting her tongue to curl up with it.
Both kept their eyes closed, concentrating on the sensation that made them rubbing their bodies and the touch of his lips. Until separated Heechul gave a loud knock on the wall that before had his hand and turned around, giving back.
The more he cursed himself for his poor control, thinking he had gone to China to clarify their thoughts not to fulfill the fantasy that had been his most sought for months. Hankyung had corresponded and could not believe it was because of drift or penalty.
Hangeng The voice trembling came to his ears, but not turned.
- not kept in touch because I did not know about you - Heechul lowered his head, pressing jaw - Trippin 'I did not want to follow in vain. For years, our friendship was very special, but I could not feel worse.
Heechul did not see the sad smile that had formed on the face of Hankyung.
- You thought you knew everything about me, but the truth is that I always had something to tell you - Heechul turned around and hit his eye with his friend at the time é ste said the words that I never expected to hear.
- I love - in perfect Korean said, never taking his eyes of the astonished face of Heechul - I have a crush on you almost from the moment I saw you. You never realize you, you went out with girls, kissed the other on stage - laughed at that last one - although I think I felt worse when he tried to kiss me, because he was more aware than ever that this only happen on stage, with thousands of people watched and screaming fans asking fanservice. Heechul
listened in silence. He lacked the air and just wanted to come back, reward him for all the lost time to show your friend that he had suffered.
- I thought about you during this time, but I decided to torture me no more. No matter how much you want to talk to you, I would not do it. It is unfair to the other, but I wanted to start life from scratch. I was tired of feeling something that would never be reciprocated.
Heechul came, but stopped when she noticed that Hankyung is stiffen.
- But you've come this far and I've said all that, looking in a completely differently than you used to. You kissed me - I looked - Why?
- volveríaa I've kissed it. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. Does not that answer your question? Is not it obvious? - Hankyung had missed that impatiently - I'm in China I had half a disguise to leave me alone, I walked for hours and I had to communicate by signs. Let the explanations for later. He
to pull it to Ely kissed him again, ready to enjoy what he had longed for for months.
